Men and Domestic Violence

Men and Domestic Violence: Breaking the Silence

Domestic violence is often framed as something that happens only to women. However, that narrative overlooks a crucial truth. Men can be victims, too. And one of the biggest obstacles men face in coming forward is shame. The assumption that it “can’t happen” to men, or that they should always be strong and able to defend themselves. That stigma silences many and keeps many men from seeking help.

At House of Grace, we believe abuse doesn’t see gender. We are here to help everyone, regardless of whether they are the abuser or the survivor. Below is more on how domestic violence affects men, why many stay silent, and how we stand ready to help.

Why Many Men Don’t Come Forward

Several overlapping reasons that keep men from reporting abuse:

1. Shame & Stigma Many men feel embarrassed, humiliated, or emasculated for being victims. They worry others will assume they are lying or “weak.” Research shows male victims often minimize, conceal, or deny their experience to avoid that stigma. WomensLaw.org

2. Not Being Believed Because society often frames women as the typical victims of domestic violence, men may fear that law enforcement, medical staff, or their social circles won’t take their claims seriously. Mayo Clinic+1

3. Assumptions Men are culturally expected to be strong, stoic, and in control. Admitting they are abused can clash with those internal and external expectations. BMJ Open+3ScienceDirect+3Wikipedia+3

4. Risk of Being Assumed the Abuser - Some men worry that, when they do report, law enforcement may suspect them instead of their abuser. This fear is not unfounded in some cases, especially when the abuser crafts a narrative. Wikipedia+1

5. Lack of Services Many domestic violence services, shelters, and outreach programs are oriented toward women, leaving men unsure of where to turn. BMJ Open+3ICJIA+3VAWnet+3

How Common Is Abuse Against Men?

Statistics show that male victims are more common than many people realize:

• According to the CDC, about 1 in 10 men in the U.S. have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. CDC

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline and related sources report that more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) have experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime (compared with ~35.6% for women). The Hotline

• Other data suggest that 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by a partner, and 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence (beating, strangling, etc.) in their lifetime. Crisis House

• Among men who reach out to hotlines or support services, most report a female abuser (e.g., in one study, 95.1% of male callers reporting abuse named a woman as the abuser). PMC

These figures likely understate the issue, due to underreporting and social pressure.

The Stigma & Misconceptions

• Many people assume victims are always female, which contributes to disbelief when men tell their stories.

• Research shows public perception often doubts men’s claims of domestic violence, viewing such situations as less serious or “just a fight.” ScienceDirect+1

• Because male victimization is less visible, services are less developed and more stigmatized. ICJIA+1

• Some men internalize societal messages and blame themselves, questioning whether they “deserved” it or “let it happen.”

How House of Grace Helps Men, Too

At House of Grace, our mission is to serve all survivors, regardless of gender. That means:

• Providing confidential support, counseling, and advocacy to men as well as women.

• Offering resources and referrals that include male-centered or gender-neutral services.

• Promoting a message that abuse doesn’t see gender. It can happen to anyone, and working to reduce stigma so that men feel safe to come forward.

• Listening without judgment, validating men’s experiences, and helping them navigate legal, safety, or mental health pathways.

We want every person who is suffering to know they are not alone.

Abuse Doesn’t See Gender

Domestic violence is about power, control, manipulation, fear, not strength or gender. Whomever the victim or survivor is, the dynamic is the same:

• The abuser exerts power and control

• The survivor suffers physical, emotional, financial, or psychological harm

• The survivor may fear and stay silent

At House of Grace, we stand for “help for everyone, regardless of gender.”

Resources for Men

If you or someone you know is a man facing domestic abuse, here are some resources and ideas:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – reachable by all genders. The Hotline

• HelpGuide: Domestic Violence Against Men — offers information and support. HelpGuide.org

• Men-only Support Groups (e.g., via local DV/SA centers) — some programs offer male peer groups. safehousecenter.org+1

• Toolkit for Work with Male Victims (VAWnet) — for service providers, but useful to understand male survivor needs. VAWnet

• Law (Male Victims Section) — legal information and support for men. WomensLaw.org

• Safehouse Center (Men’s Support Group – DV/SA) — e.g., in some regions, Zoom or local peer groups. safehousecenter.org

And as stated above, House of Grace stands with victims and survivors. No matter who they are. Our 24-hour hotline number is 662-342-1432